I know Chrissy Teigen is thigh gap sex videossick of her tweets becoming articles. Understandable. But Chrissy, while I love you, I am not writing this for you. I am writing this for a gorgeous snail.

In an Instagram story that was apparently viewed by 3 million people, Teigen documented a snail's slow glide across a wooden deck. (Spoiler, in case you don't like horror films: he made it to the other side.) The snail, with its pleasant chartreuse shell, looked like a little banana pepper, and moved at a slow, fairly steady pace.

Aspirational!

Reader, I was unbelievably transfixed by the snail. When the snail reached safety, I whispered, "Great job." I briefly understood the appeal of televised sports. I wished the Homeward Boundmusic was playing. All surefire signs of a good film.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

Anyway, I hope the snail reads this.